


Perspective

by SkipTheSpinningRims



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Sexism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkipTheSpinningRims/pseuds/SkipTheSpinningRims
Summary: For a fill on the Snkkink meme:An AU in which everything is pretty much the same, only women are not allowed to join the military, fight titans or use the 3D gear. Going to war is a man's job, as having ladies fight would just slow the group down as a whole, so women are expected to stay home and look after the house while husbands, sons and brothers go off to war.Of course, this doesn't stop most or all of the canon girls from joining up under fake names disguised as men. Whether they know about one another or think they're the only girl in the squad is up to the writer, but I'd really like something focusing on the girls and their relationships to their peers, as well as their own reasons for fighting.





	Perspective

The boy three rows to the right of her is not a boy; Hange is sure of that. Well, at this point she's not sure about most of the Corps, but the one she's looking at? Definitely a girl. It's not massively obvious; it's only noticeable if you're looking, but the slightly too high voice, the shape of her- his?- face, it's a dead giveaway. Eye shape as well, plus the way they stand and how they wear the uniform. It's rare, really rare to see a girl in the Survey Corps, if she's even planning to join them, that is. She knows that at least half of the other twelve year olds that surround her will be aiming for the Military Police, and those who don't qualify will join the Garrison, leaving just a few brave- or stupid- people wanting to join the Scouts.

She's one of them and she's always been in the grey space between brave and stupid, and this is how it's worked out for her. But she wants to go beyond the walls, just so she can cling onto that small part of her that hopes- that prays- there are people like her, other people who live in the grey space.

Shadis is pacing the front of the lines, yelling his voice hoarse-no one's really paying attention, Hange knows, but at least he looks more professional than his recruits. It's when he starts yelling at individuals that everyone perks up; Shadis is infamous for making recruits piss their trousers in fear. It's like all of the seasoned members of the Corps have Yelling Sensors, watching the chaos and holding in laughter. He stops in front of her, and glares. She salutes, "Hannes Zoe, sir. From the Karanese District on the east side of Wall Rose." This is the only thing she can really be honest about, but she's always been a convincing liar so he nods and moves to terrorise the next one. Once again, she looks at the Not-Boy, eyes cutting to the side and taking them in before snapping back to attention. The Not -Boy turns around slightly, and smiles and she can't help but suspect that they have realised.

Takes one to know one, right?

Hange cracks a smile-small and bright-and the Not-Boy bites their lip.

It's when they're running laps that Hange sees an opportunity to talk to them-they're near the back of the compound, and the Not-Boy has stopped; they're out of breath, and Hange approaches. That makes her sound like an animal on the prowl, but she _swears_ that she isn't being predatory. She just wants to know if there's someone else sharing the grey space.

"Hey." She says, voice pitched down. The Not-Boy looks up from where they were bent over and they glance up, something like fear in their eyes.

The Not-Boy- Hange should really start calling them by their name- stands up straight, and tries to respond through their laboured breathing. They run a hand through their hair-sweat soaked and plastered to their forehead-and keep this weirdly stoic expression on their face, "Who are you?"

"Hannes. You're Nikolaus right?" she thinks she remembers their name from the 'initiation' Shadis gave them. It's when they're this close that Hange can see just how feminine they look, from the rosebud lips, to the green eyes to their lack of Adam's apple-it's only really visible because their collar's come down from the running, but still . She really wants to call the Not-Boy out on it, demand their real name and reveal herself, but she has to remind herself that she too lacks an Adam's apple. And-y'know-a dick. But they're twelve, and they could just be some pre-pubescent boy, and chances are it would spread like wildfire and she'd be kicked out of the regiment before she could say a word.

"Yeah." The Not-Boy-Nikolaus?- replies, and that is definitely the voice of someone pitching their voice down. She should know; she's doing the same thing right now. But Hange knows what it's like to have to pretend, and she's not going to out them. Not yet, anyway, "I'm going to go."

So the Not-Boy's quiet. Either that or they're trying not to reveal their sex.

~...~

Their first expedition is a simple one; it's a simple journey, a straight run through the forest to set up an encampment beyond Wall Maria. A trainee who wandered off on a previous venture _outside_ found a well and Erwin had decided that they should make the most of it.

The forest feels like hundreds of trees got scared and clustered in the same place, a crowd of cowering oaks reaching at _least_ twenty metres at the smallest point and thirty at the tallest. It's a huge contrast to the surrounding grassy plains, but it offers safety at a moment's notice.

The evening sky is even more beautiful when you're out in the open, and the campfire in front of them roars as two of their fellow Scouts-oh yes; they've got the Wings of Freedom now-turn a hog on a spit, the smell of meat is a good one. They're used to the low quality stuff sold cheaply in bulk, a large part of their diet made up of vegetables and bread that wasn't quite good enough to sell to the general public.

This particular forest is different because there are lakes of clean water. Honest-to-Gods clean water where you can immerse yourself and get rid of the months' filth and dirt and stench. When you live in close quarters with a shitload of boys in their teenage years, you get used to the smell but it's a welcome surprise when the horses rock up to the mouth of the forest and someone exclaims, "There's _actual_ clean water here!"

Most of the guys strip off and run in while Erwin turns a blind eye; he was just as excited the first time he went out. Hange slips away from the crowd and begins to make her way back to the pool she saw a few minutes before arriving.

She removes her clothes and steps into the water, letting it flow over her lower half as she sinks into it. Slowly, she removes her jacket and places it on the bank, the emblem facing up to the sky; she wants the whole world to know she's a Scout. She removes her shirt quickly, and rips the tight bandages beneath away from her chest, revealing her breasts for just a second before she steps further into the pool and the surface of the water brushes against her chin. For a second, she's a little kid discovering how to swim for the first time but then she just throws herself into it, floating on her back and grinning at the sky. Because it's the evening, it's painted with pinks and yellows and the last few smears of blue.

~...~

Nanaba sees Hannes sneak away from the group. Like any aspiring Scout, she follows him-why can't he bathe with everyone else?-rounding a copse of trees, back against the bark. She's kind of annoyed really, because Hannes is almost definitely headed to the little pond they saw earlier-the pool she was going to bathe in, so maybe she'll be able to kick him out or go in after he's finished.

She's not sure how to react when she sees Hannes'- or whatever their real name is-bare chest.

Oh.

Well then. In the Scouts, you generally don't see the female anatomy unless you look at some of the horny, half-finished drawings pinned to walls above beds in the barracks, and they're not usually particularly detailed. Just fantasies, really. But Hannes' chest? Um. Nanaba can feel her face flaming red, heat rushing from the deep points of her body to her cheeks and her ears.

She retreats behind the tree, and-dammit. Dammit, dammit, dammit. They teach you how to tread lightly in the Scouts so not to alert titans to your location and she's just-very loudly-snapped a twig under her boots in her haste. Either she needs more training or this is just some really bad luck, and she really hopes it's the former more than the latter.

~...~

Hange can't see very well without her glasses, but the blur that is a fellow Scout is clear, as is the sound of frantic splashing to scramble onto the bank of the pool and scoop up the clothes dumped beside it. She wraps her cloak around her and fumbles with the glasses, and Nikolaus' blond hair and green eyes come into focus.

"This isn't what it looks like," she says, pretty much all in one breath, and Nikolaus darts behind a tree probably to hide from her. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

Hange can't decide whether to try and dress herself or go after the Not-Boy, but she can't risk him leaking her secret to the rest of the Scouts. So instead she just curls up, sitting down on grass and tucking her legs against her chest. Because of almost perpetual binding, her breasts have been pushed down to the point that she almost doesn't have them; it's her lower half that will give her away, and she needs to put some trousers on but she just can't bring herself to 's heard of people being petrified with fear, but she's been in the Scouts and it's never happened to her. In the face of people-eating monsters, she's fine, but in the face of the Not-Boy staring at her tits in a forest, she's _frozen._ Because if they tell anyone, anyone at all, she's out of the Scouts on her ass faster than...than...she doesn't know; a hidden titan? But there's a chance that the Not-Boy really is a girl, just like her.

And a chance-doesn't matter how minute-is always worth taking in the Scouts.

~...~

Hannes is a girl. A _woman_. Like Nanaba. She's… Nanaba stops. She should go back and explain, go back and tell Hannes that she's just like her. But what if she didn't see what she thought she saw? What if Hannes is just a really feminine male? What if Nanaba is just some filthy pervert who sees women where they aren't? What if…? The what-ifs consume her mind until she feels like banging her head against the trees until everything disappears.

But she needs to know, she doesn't want to be alone anymore. But if she tells Hannes, she might just stay alone. Hannes might not want anything to do with her.

Oh, _Gods_. What can she do that won't make her look like a dangerous pervert?

~...~

In the back of her mind, Hange knows she needs to get up-she needs to go back and help set up the camp with the others-but she can't get herself to. Everything has narrowed down to _Nikolaus saw her Nikolaus saw her Nikolaus saw her_ and she doesn't know how to get her mind off that one track. Because it would just take a few words to out her, Nikolaus could say a single sentence to Commander Erwin and her time in the Corps would be over.

There's a sound like boots against grass-soft and crackling, slightly-and she glances up. Nikolaus. Right there. Eyes on the floor and arms crossed.

"I didn't see anything," he says, which is a complete crock of shit.

Hange saw his eyes meet hers and then drop to her chest, so already that bit of speech has gone straight out the window, and whatever he missed then is on full display now, "That's a lie; I know you saw…" she trails off and just gestures to her chest.

A pause. A silence. Nikolaus clearly thinking of what he's going to say next-Hange can practically _hear_ the cogs turning in his head, "I...I won't say."

But why? No one is that kind in times like these-what does he have to gain by keeping her secret? She already knows. Blackmail. If she ever steps a toe out of line, he could lord this over her head until she did what he said.

"I'm not one of them." Nikolaus elaborates, and _really_ , that doesn't help.

"One of _them?_ "

"One of the…" he flails a hand illustratively, "one of the males."

"You mean… you mean you're…"

"Yes, that's exactly what I mean."

It's at this point that Hange realises she's still naked on the forest floor. Not really something you usually forget.

She gets to her feet and doesn't even bother to cover up. Why would she with this sudden impromptu revelation? She takes a step and falls; the hours of riding have taken a toll on her despite the fact that this is what she's trained to do. It is her first expedition, and at least she's not among those who pissed themselves when they saw a titan. She really needs to fill the silence, but she doesn't even know what to say.

"So… I'm guessing Nikolaus isn't your real name."

"Good guess. Hannes isn't yours, either."

"No, it's Hange. I wanted to keep the alias as close to my real name as possible, y'know?"

"Mm." Nikolaus-not her real name-looks Hange up and down and she feels like she isn't really being seen. Like Nikolaus is seeing her bones and her soul instead of her body, "Nanaba."

She picks her shirt up off the ground; it's gotten a bit wet in all the commotion, but it's warm outside so it should dry quickly. Slowly, she grabs her bindings from the floor and loops them once, twice around her chest, pressing the skin down. She's used to the pain and the pressure on her inner organs, but it still hurts when she does it and she winces.

The shirt's next, slipping over her head and showing the flat plain of her chest. The buttons are a challenge, dripping fingers scrabbling at little plastic things that should really be bigger considering the circumstances. Nikolaus- _Nanaba_ -bites her lip and reaches forwards, her dry hands much more effective. They slide around the fastenings and pull them together, and-wow; she has _really_ long fingers. Short nails, bitten to the quick and the pads calloused. Nanaba doesn't meet Hange's eyes while she's doing it, though, keeping her eyes fixed on just keeping Hange's clothes together. Then the jacket, brown and open wide.

She deals with the trousers herself. She's really not sure if friendship stretches this far, and the friendship they have doesn't really qualify. They talk, sure, and maybe they've gotten drunk together on contraband alcohol, but otherwise, they're pretty distant. Most people in the Corps are; you never want to have to come home and spend night after night looking at your best friends empty bunk. Nanaba averts her eyes, and her cheeks are the colour of-and call Hange morbid if you want; she's just a realist-blood.

She pulls her boots on, a hand resting on Nanaba's shoulder, and she tries to make her smile reassuring but it comes out a grimace.

She isn't going to bother with the belts; they're a hassle and she just wants to go and sleep right now. She won't be able to of course, not until Erwin is satisfied that they're all safe and that they've been fed and watered. Nanaba meets her eyes, then, and she's so _tired._ They're both tired, bags under their eyes and vision blurry and not really able to focus properly, but that's what you get used to in the Scouts.

~...~

It's dark by the time they reach the others, and the hog roast someone started over is finished and plates of actual meat are being handed out-it's a long time since they've eaten this much in one sitting, and Nanaba finds herself smiling slightly, one corner of her mouth pulling up.

They're late and can feel Erwin's disapproving stare on their backs, but he doesn't say a word to them. He's too busy talking to Captain Levi, who's also giving a glare. Then again, that's his default expression, but Nanaba _still_ feels as if she's committed some terrible sin. Erwin will be electing some new Squadron Leaders at the end of this expedition- to replace the ones who will inevitably die.

Nanaba sits on a log placed close to the fire, and Hange sits next to her. _Why_ is Hange sitting next to her? They just discovered that they're both illegally employed in the Scouts, and this just doesn't make any sense strategically.

Nanaba gets a plate of hog, setting it in her lap and staring down at it, transfixed for a second by the smell and the look before she begins to feast upon it. There's a limit to how much they can bring with them, and cutlery is definitely not on that list, so they eat with their fingers, ignoring the heat. Hange-Nanaba _still_ isn't used to calling her by her true name-leans over, taking her own plate from where it was beside the spit and Nanaba's eyes dart a glance at the neck of her shirt. She's a woman under there. It's still...it's still striking.

A titan can be heard in the distance, just moaning. They aren't active at night but Erwin, Mike and Levi are on edge, Mike up a tree and trying to catch a scent. Levi still has an almost aggressive poker-face and Erwin is talking to him in an oddly stilted way while all the other Scouts just fill the air with a low buzz of empty chatter.

~...~

As the fire begins to die out and the pig is almost all gone a fight breaks out, distracting the attention of the veterans and making Hange turn in her seat to watch. The one clearly has the upper hand and is a lot more muscular than the other, but the Commander steps in before it gets serious, much to Hange's dismay. Nanaba seems to have zoned out, and Hange isn't sure if she's staring into space or if she's checking out Mike-Hange can't blame her- _hah_ , her-but it's kind of funny to watch. They linger for a while before Erwin sends them all to bed; he doesn't want them tired tomorrow. So they crowd into too-small tents, six bodies in tents meant for just two or three people; it stinks of body odour and the snoring from the boys is driving her insane, but she meets Nanaba's eyes and smiles.

She's home.


End file.
